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I'LL TELL YOU THAT
03 April 2010 @ 11:28 am
I ditched the blonde streaks on my hair and decided to go dark!
Negligence is the only right word to describe this space. It has been a crazy month, where there's so much to do from moving around; settling down; buying furniture for the new house; setting up my home; music festivals; random beach outings; drives out of the city; nights out and of course, school.
It's the start of Easter break which also means, I get a week's break off school next week. Bliss. And summer is over, at least we don't get 42 degrees anymore, it's more of strong sun coupled with strong winds and that's beautiful autumn weather. Of course I've made new friends, but sometimes Down Under isn't what I've expected it to be. Holidaying in a country and actually living in it make a whole load of differences but so far, so good. It's also funny how when people look at me and ask me where I'm from, their first guess would be Japan because to them, all asians look the same like how to us, all whites are just whites.
I like being where I am right now. 11 weeks of school and then it's mid semester break which I won't be going home. Concrete plans of mid year traveling hasn't been set yet but I'm keen on Sydney. Lastly, I'm going to stop writing here. It's either I'm moving to somewhere or, I'm just gonna stop writing for awhile.
So last post? I don't really know.
Negligence is the only right word to describe this space. It has been a crazy month, where there's so much to do from moving around; settling down; buying furniture for the new house; setting up my home; music festivals; random beach outings; drives out of the city; nights out and of course, school.
It's the start of Easter break which also means, I get a week's break off school next week. Bliss. And summer is over, at least we don't get 42 degrees anymore, it's more of strong sun coupled with strong winds and that's beautiful autumn weather. Of course I've made new friends, but sometimes Down Under isn't what I've expected it to be. Holidaying in a country and actually living in it make a whole load of differences but so far, so good. It's also funny how when people look at me and ask me where I'm from, their first guess would be Japan because to them, all asians look the same like how to us, all whites are just whites.
I like being where I am right now. 11 weeks of school and then it's mid semester break which I won't be going home. Concrete plans of mid year traveling hasn't been set yet but I'm keen on Sydney. Lastly, I'm going to stop writing here. It's either I'm moving to somewhere or, I'm just gonna stop writing for awhile.
So last post? I don't really know.
14 February 2010 @ 01:13 pm
The Greek Place, Fremantle
Last night, I was at the Greek Place at Fremantle sipping wine, eating heaps and laughing heartily with a few friends while my family is home, back in Singapore having reunion dinner. It's such a funny feeling and for a moment, I felt like I've betrayed my tradition. It's not like I really like Chinese New Year or is in love with the idea of catching up with my relatives but it's like a cycle is being disrupted because every year as far as I can remember, reunion dinner will be a massive affair with all my relatives coming, gathering around a long table filled with nothing but chinese delicacies.
This year is different of course, being away from home all alone and dining by the beautiful sea. For that one instance last night, I sort of miss home. Well, just a little but I'm accustomed to the fact that, being away from home and living independently, making that choice, it means I should be ready to shift away from my comfort zone. If I have already made that choice, I have to banish whatever negative emotions that may come along with it but I have been enjoying my stay thus far.
So I sent a text message to my Dad this morning wishing him a Happy Chinese New Year and if I could get a big red packet since I'll be missing out on receiving plenty of red packets from my relatives, his only reply was ''Baby, happy chinese new year too. Daddy is eating pineapple tarts now but your red packets, maybe next year. Love you.''
I may have gotten pretty used to living in Australia but I will still remember that I'm a Singaporean and a Chinese at heart.
11 February 2010 @ 10:24 am
09 February 2010 @ 12:01 pm
I've never met anyone's mother as amazing as Tim's, I call her Mama Lola. She makes the most taste buds provoking food, she ensures I've got enough to eat, she talks to me like I'm her own child, she never raises her voices at the kids and she keeps me at her house, despite many negative happenings that's brewing in her life right now. Apart from that, she shows me what humanity is all about. Because of her and the hospitality she has showed me ever since I got here, I haven't been homesick or crying for my own mother.
I am sitting by the kitchen counter, shoving chocolate muffin bakes and fruit puree for breakfast while she's standing behind me on the phone, settling her things and despite her busy schedules, she still makes time to talk to me everyday. I actually feel embarrassed for putting up at her home for so long and when Tim is gonna be gone for Bali in a few hours' time, she still allows me to stay. It's really very heartwarming when she talks to me about the ongoings in her personal life and she's a woman who's gone through so much, who got to Australia at the age of 10 without knowing a word of English and fighting her way up to be where she is right now, providing for the two boys financially and being a single mother, I've never seen anyone fight harder than what she's doing now for her sons, ensuring her sons not only do well, but do great though I think she kind of spoils them sometimes with how she gets things sorted out for them because my Mom always make me sort things out by myself.
Tough love, it makes you grow up but Mama Lola, she gives amazingly tender love which also makes you grow up.
p.s the landscape at where I am, it's beautiful
04 February 2010 @ 11:24 pm
4th day in Down Under, technically the 5th since it's gonna be 12am in a bit. I have been settling down quite nicely albeit living like a complete nomad and couch surfing because housing is so scarce now and the application for my own house is taking ages to be processed and finalized. I don't exactly feel homesick because my friends here are always doing something, even if it's just abusing alcohol.
I'm morphing into a sloth, I wake up, hang around and go grab some grub but basically there is so much time before school starts. When I feel hardworking, I'll go running but I end up getting lost till I have to go knock on doors for directions because the road names are very confusing. Surprisingly, I haven't spent any money on shopping. I haven't even got down to the city yet. I have 3 years so... just relax.
The weather here is awesome compared to the horrid humidity in Singapore. Whilst everything and everyone here are so slow and relaxed, it's really taking a toll on me. On days I don't do anything, I'll just grab a book and head out to the park, lie by the lake, on the grass and read. I'm just gonna grow fat not doing anything but eat heaps and do nothing productive.
I'm thinking of moving to tumblr, maybe this will be my last post here. Just maybe.
31 January 2010 @ 03:10 am
I am alive, breathing and quite calm.
On Thursday, my younger sister went for her college orientation. It reminds me of myself, the exact thing I'll be doing in a few days' time. Going for orientation, starting a new phase of life. In approximately 8 hours, I would be boarding a plane heading for Down Under for a life which is gonna be different, either a slight or a vast change depending the ability to adapt.
It is scary when I think about how time really flies. After graduation in March, I thought I'll be getting a job with a Diploma and probably earning a miserable amount, enough to pull me through monthly. It was because I haven't thought about the things I want to do and I was afraid of taking a step furthur in my education because ever since Secondary School, I haven't been doing well academically. I studied and did things I do not like, for the sole purpose of just getting over and done with which is an awfully wrong mentality. And now that I've chosen a course with modules that interest me to a certain degree, I hope it'll be a good headstart.
I spent this whole week, packing (god I never knew I have so much clothes and I even unearthed those that are long forgotten), running last minute errands, seeing people I really want to see and spending time with my family, not because I suddenly realize the importance of my family but if my parents don't see me enough before I leave, my mom will do a bitchfit on me and when she starts blackmailing me emotionally, it's usually a lost battle. For me. I also realized my bed is very comfortable, suddenly.
It'll be a new beginning and granted this opportunity, I don't see why I should hold back when it's gonna be a great experience. I will keep my eyes and my ears open because obviously, Australia isn't 1/4 as safe compared to Singers. And like a sponge, I will absorb all the good things and bring them back. I do not have any drastic reactions to my departure or maybe I haven't got to the airport yet but I know, starting from ground zero... I need to have a good head on my shoulders so I'll start using good shampoo for great hair on my head. Now, that wasn't very funny.
Life is like a chronic illness anyway, you have to find something interesting to do and that is your long term cure.
On Thursday, my younger sister went for her college orientation. It reminds me of myself, the exact thing I'll be doing in a few days' time. Going for orientation, starting a new phase of life. In approximately 8 hours, I would be boarding a plane heading for Down Under for a life which is gonna be different, either a slight or a vast change depending the ability to adapt.
It is scary when I think about how time really flies. After graduation in March, I thought I'll be getting a job with a Diploma and probably earning a miserable amount, enough to pull me through monthly. It was because I haven't thought about the things I want to do and I was afraid of taking a step furthur in my education because ever since Secondary School, I haven't been doing well academically. I studied and did things I do not like, for the sole purpose of just getting over and done with which is an awfully wrong mentality. And now that I've chosen a course with modules that interest me to a certain degree, I hope it'll be a good headstart.
I spent this whole week, packing (god I never knew I have so much clothes and I even unearthed those that are long forgotten), running last minute errands, seeing people I really want to see and spending time with my family, not because I suddenly realize the importance of my family but if my parents don't see me enough before I leave, my mom will do a bitchfit on me and when she starts blackmailing me emotionally, it's usually a lost battle. For me. I also realized my bed is very comfortable, suddenly.
It'll be a new beginning and granted this opportunity, I don't see why I should hold back when it's gonna be a great experience. I will keep my eyes and my ears open because obviously, Australia isn't 1/4 as safe compared to Singers. And like a sponge, I will absorb all the good things and bring them back. I do not have any drastic reactions to my departure or maybe I haven't got to the airport yet but I know, starting from ground zero... I need to have a good head on my shoulders so I'll start using good shampoo for great hair on my head. Now, that wasn't very funny.
Life is like a chronic illness anyway, you have to find something interesting to do and that is your long term cure.
25 January 2010 @ 02:46 am
Sometimes when we finally manage to see the big picture, we would miss out on the smaller details. I don't quite like the person I've became lately, it's like certain things I do, the values I used to practised are being stacked away now. I think I'm going through a phase in my life right now, rethinking about the beliefs I used to hold firmly. I have been discovering myself abit more lately, I don't think it has gotta do with my departure.
But I realized, I've lost focus and I'm just like this car on the road but cruising on the wrong track. Certain things I do or have done, my conscience is not really crystal clear. I'm quite sure you've done things in your life that up till today, you will still feel pangs of guilt. Not necessarily towards a thing or a person but it's directed more to yourself. I've seen how fragile things in life can be, how immature some conventions and values are, how people can hurt you no matter how close you were to them once, that people change yet you cannot stop them from changing, how people can be totally ignorant. Even having witnessed all those fragility and immaturity, I have not made the right decisions.
It wasn't an immediate realization that I'm suddenly a different person, it is a gradual process. Everyday, I'm still seeing and learning things. A friend told me that it's okay to experience and experiment but I should know when to stop and sober up because I am not set on stone, I can define myself and work towards what I want to be defined by. People would always have something to say about you but it doesn't matter how they look at you because we're all made of flaws but what I know is that, nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself and I am worth more than what people think I am.
All these aren't irreversible. While having fun, living life young and reckless because we can do the boring things in the later parts of our lives, I would always think there's a line to be drawn. I'm done feeling bad and mopping around in negativity. Life throws shit at you but you don't behave like it's the end of the world, I'm sure you can turn things around if only you want to.
Yes, I'm clearly sobered up.
But I realized, I've lost focus and I'm just like this car on the road but cruising on the wrong track. Certain things I do or have done, my conscience is not really crystal clear. I'm quite sure you've done things in your life that up till today, you will still feel pangs of guilt. Not necessarily towards a thing or a person but it's directed more to yourself. I've seen how fragile things in life can be, how immature some conventions and values are, how people can hurt you no matter how close you were to them once, that people change yet you cannot stop them from changing, how people can be totally ignorant. Even having witnessed all those fragility and immaturity, I have not made the right decisions.
It wasn't an immediate realization that I'm suddenly a different person, it is a gradual process. Everyday, I'm still seeing and learning things. A friend told me that it's okay to experience and experiment but I should know when to stop and sober up because I am not set on stone, I can define myself and work towards what I want to be defined by. People would always have something to say about you but it doesn't matter how they look at you because we're all made of flaws but what I know is that, nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself and I am worth more than what people think I am.
All these aren't irreversible. While having fun, living life young and reckless because we can do the boring things in the later parts of our lives, I would always think there's a line to be drawn. I'm done feeling bad and mopping around in negativity. Life throws shit at you but you don't behave like it's the end of the world, I'm sure you can turn things around if only you want to.
Yes, I'm clearly sobered up.
